My anxiety during recovery as a crash survivor was terrifying at times. You may ask why I am now lying in a hospital bed in the middle of the living room while I anxiously wait for morning to come. An occupational therapist recently visited and left me with some lovely gifts to help with my recovery which was not only a hospital bed but it also included a walker, wheelchair and several other pieces of equipment. I am far from excited and I am wondering how on earth I got into this mess. My nurse is still visiting daily to pack my wound and I am now being told that a physiotherapist will be coming to see me later this week. How on earth am I suppose to keep seeing all these people?
Change in Vision
I am starting to notice that my vision is not getting any better but rather it seems to be getting worse. Am I just tired all the time or was it anxiety during my recovery? Is it the medication that I am taking? For some reason I just can’t seem to focus visually or mentally when the television is on. Every bright light bothers me and the sounds are intensified. I find myself thinking that I just need to rest. Afterall, I was in a horrific car crash.
I feel a longing to sleep in a regular bed. Approximately 10 days after I was discharged from the hospital, I find myself determined to climb those stairs to the second floor to sleep in a bed. Although my boyfriend was hesitant and very concerned, he agreed and managed to support me so I wouldn’t fall. I felt a small victory was made when I made it to the top of those stairs and didn’t care how I would make it back down. I have come to realize that I am still sleeping in one position due to my broken ribs and I feel my anxiety rise. Oh, how I wish I could curl up but my injuries won’t allow me.
Taking Things For Granted
The highlight of my week is waiting for the personal support worker to arrive so she can help wash my hair. Can you talk about taking things for granted? There was no way I could ever do it on my own without full support. The physiotherapist has also started to visit and although I couldn’t do much physically or mentally, she was very supportive and took her time with me. I am now being told that a case manager will be calling to set up a time to visit and I find myself once again wondering how I got into this mess and who was keeping track of all these appointments. Did I experience anxiety during recovery you ask? That is an understatement.
It was also time to talk to my boss as she had called a few days ago to see how I was doing. I feel disconnected speaking with her on the phone and I find that I don’t even recognize my own voice. I find myself concerned with my job and she reassures me that someone is looking after my position. She tells me that I should take as much time as I need and to call her if I need anything. I hang up and just stare at the phone with disbelief. How long will it take before I can return to work? I feel my anxiety during recovery rise once again and feel like I have lost control of my life. I start to find myself thinking that I may need to speak to someone professional as I am just too overwhelmed.
It’s Crucial To Be Your Own Advocate
Throughout your recovery, you may feel the need to see a specialist such as a psychologist. This is nothing to be embarrassed about and it certainly does not make you weak. Although I had great support, I still felt that I needed some professional help. I was experiencing terrible nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks and a sense of loss. Although it may seem like “one more appointment” to add to your list, you may be surprised with the outcome. If you find that it doesn’t help you with your recovery, you can always cancel the remaining visits. Your accident benefits should cover the costs involved so please check with your legal representative. Please always be your own advocate during recovery. If something doesn’t feel right mentally or physically, speak with a medical professional as soon as possible.
S. Dawne McKay is a survivor of a horrific crash that changed her life forever. Dawne shares her personal journey as a Crash Survivor Blogger and also collaborates with crash survivors as Guest Bloggers allowing them an opportunity to share their stories. Dawne is also the author of the book, “Talk Crash to Me – What to Expect After Surviving a Collision and How to Manage Your Recovery” which is available for purchase on Amazon.
The Crash Support Network is a unique one-of-a-kind website consisting of an online support group, a crash survivor blog, a quarterly newsletter, “Sharing Our Recovery” as well as highly informative articles. Our website is based on relationship-building and puts the needs of survivors first by creating a helpful resource for victims and survivors of motor vehicle crashes.
