I know its hard to believe but as a crash survivor, date nights are still possible. After being involved in a horrific motor vehicle crash that left me with multiple injuries including a head injury, I was left to face a long recovery. Not being able to sleep, dealing with constant pain and waiting anxiously to be healed has become my new normal. Lets face it. Our evenings are now filled with topical creams, weighted blankets, epson salt baths, teas, oils, massages and heated blankets not to mention trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. Sexy right?
Motor vehicle crashes can certainly put a strain on intimate relationships. If your physical appearance has changed, you may feel less attractive or desirable. At the same time, your partner may feel helpless, fearful or unsure of how to support you. Intimacy means different things to each of us and can be expressed in various ways. When a crash recovery impacts your life, roles and relationships can change. While it may take persistence to maintain intimacy in your relationship, it can be done. Date nights are still possible if you keep these tips to keep in mind.
Give yourself time. You and your partner will need time to adjust to the physical and emotional changes your crash has caused. Be patient with yourself. Dealing with chronic pain, stress and fatigue will lower your intimate desire. Also, give yourself time to come to terms with changes to your body especially if you have long term effects and scars. Don’t rush it!
Get reacquainted. You and your partner may have disconnected from each other over the course of your recovery. While it may be difficult at first, try to be open and honest about how you are feeling as this can avoid mixed signals and will make your partner aware of your limitations. Each time I have an extremely “bad pain day”, I always make sure that my partner is aware.
Plan ahead. It may help to plan a date when you have the most energy but remind yourself not to over due it. Work on improving your self-acceptance and self-confidence because after all, your partner found you attractive before your motor vehicle crash and you need to keep reminding yourself that. Date nights are still possible!
Take Time for Each Other. You struggle with physical changes from a motor vehicle crash. Your significant other may feel powerless in helping you. Date night means shutting all of that off. Dress in a way that makes you feel good and do things you enjoy. That could be going to a movie, dancing to your favorite song, eating at your favorite restaurant or simply cuddling on the couch in front of a fire. The most important thing is to set aside time to simply be a couple and enjoy being together. Pick a night and stick to it!
To anyone who is struggling with dating or feeling like they are falling short in their relationship, I have been there and at times I am still there. I know exactly how you feel and with time it will get better. Just keep doing your best no matter if you’re having a good or bad day. Arranging time for a date whether you are single, in a relationship or married, brings back a sense of normalcy along with intimacy while re-establishing connections that get lost in our recovery. I am truly grateful and always remind myself what could have easily been.
S. Dawne McKay is a survivor of a horrific crash that changed her life forever. Dawne shares her personal journey as a Crash Survivor Blogger and also collaborates with crash survivors as Guest Bloggers allowing them an opportunity to share their stories. Dawne is also the author of the book, “Talk Crash to Me – What to Expect After Surviving a Collision and How to Manage Your Recovery” which is available for purchase on Amazon.
The Crash Support Network is a unique one-of-a-kind website consisting of an online support group, a crash survivor blog, a quarterly newsletter, “Sharing Our Recovery” as well as highly informative articles. Our website is based on relationship-building and puts the needs of survivors first by creating a helpful resource for victims and survivors of motor vehicle crashes.
