On August 7, 2008, a woman passed out at the wheel of an SUV. She crossed the center line, and struck a minivan driven by a 17-year-old girl. The woman had two prior impaired driving convictions. She was drunk and her blood tested positive for the presence of other drugs.
My mother Judy was killed in the wreck. My sister was traumatized, and many other lives were affected. At the time of the wreck, I was twenty years old and entering my final semester of college. Shortly after the loss, I went back to school and completed my degree. After finishing college, I returned home in preparation for law school. But home never felt the same after my mom died. I would never again be graced by my mother’s smile, her baking, or her singing in the kitchen. My mother was a rock in my life and the rock for our family. Words cannot explain the sudden and profound change for our family.
I Sought to Escape My Pain
After my mother’s death, I had difficulty sharing my story. I foolishly hid it away. Instead, I sought to escape my pain. Sometimes through all-nighters at the law library or working out. Other times I would seek refuge in bars or in unhealthy relationships. Most people my age had never experienced the loss of a parent. Sometimes, I would feel embarrassment or shame when my secret was discovered. And I never knew what to say or how to connect with others who had experienced it.
After law school, I applied to a job that was posted on my local bar association’s website. I later found out that the firm represented individuals who have been injured in car wrecks. I got the job. But it was tough for me to deal with the subject matter. Cases with debilitating injuries triggered the pain that I had hidden away. Other times, I had thoughts about my clients like, “they weren’t hurt that bad.” Or “they don’t know what true trauma, grief, or loss is like.” And you know what? Those thoughts limited me in my ability to represent these clients.
I Locked My Grief Away
Looking back, I realize that for years I did not open myself up to my grief. I sought to put it in a box and lock it away. I sought to escape my grief. But you can’t escape grief. If you don’t open yourself up to grief, it pours out of you in the form of resentment, guilt, and shame. I was hiding who I was, and that lack of authenticity held me back from who I needed to become.
Over time, I have opened my heart up to experience the totality of my feelings surrounding my loss. I no longer put my grief in a box and lock it away. I no longer feel the need to keep it private or to feel shame about it. I no longer deny myself grief. My story empowers me rather than holding me back. It connects me with my clients rather than creating a barrier between us. I empathize with them. I put myself into their shoes and get to know them. I do my best to find out what they desire, and why.
Now that I have opened myself up to grief, I am a better person and a better lawyer. Every day I strive to live wholeheartedly and to represent my clients wholeheartedly. If you have experienced trauma or loss, I encourage you to do the same. Sometimes it will be painful. And sometimes it will be overwhelming. But open your heart to live fully.
Submitted by: Geoffrey A. Jones, Esq.
Attorney Geoff Jones is a personal injury attorney in Columbus, Ohio. He founded The Jones Firm, LLC in 2019 to provide a better experience for personal injury clients. For more information please visit: www.jonesfirmohio.com
This article is also featured in our 2021 Summer Issue of Sharing our Recovery
