On February 22, 2016, a routine afternoon my beloved husband, father and high school math and science teacher, Tim O’Donnell as well as our 5-year-old daughter Bridget, lost their lives in a horrific car crash caused by a habitual drugged driver. My now 13-year-old daughter and I are left to wonder how this happened and why. This was a tremendous loss to not only our family but to the community of Bayonne, New Jersey. Tim was the consummate professional and had been a high school softball coach for many years. He was loved by many as being a wonderful friend, father, and husband. He was the kind of person that would help anyone in need, if he couldn’t he still would find a way.
Bridget was a 5 year old beautiful little girl that twirled, skipped, danced and smiled her way through life. She melted the hearts of everyone she came in to contact with and she brightened every room she entered. “Bridie” as she was affectionately called by those of us who loved her was a compassionate little girl. She did not like to see other little kids excluded for feeling like no one wanted to be their friend. She saw no color, race or creed, and she was friends with everyone. Tim and I as her parents, would often joke that Bridget would be brought home by the police before she finished high school but for the right reasons. What I mean by that is, we would not be surprised if she got in trouble for helping out the underdog, She would stick up for those who could not stick up for themselves.
She Was Such a Caring Sweet Girl
She had already shown that redeeming quality a few times in her short life when her older sister was taunted on a few occasions, Bridie would have none of it and set the record straight. Bridie had been a caretaker to me when I was going through my cancer journey and almost lost my life, till the very night before she died. She would wake me twice a night to see if I was alive and breathing. It was a worry that no 5-year-old should have gone through but she wanted to make sure that her family was safe and in tact at all times. Bridget’s hero was not the typical princess or superhero; in fact, it was my doctor. It was no secret to those who had asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up that her answer was “I want to cure cancer and sing while doing it”. There is no doubt she would have succeeded had this crash not occurred.
Grief, I learnt is an everyday occurrence. Grief just doesn’t go away after the funeral is over. In fact, it sneaks up on you every day you wake up when you realize they are gone… all over again. The only similarity I can relate it to is that “it’s like walking through a minefield when an IED goes off, each of us damaged in our own way depending on how close you were to the explosion which determines the loss and the pain.”
My daughter and I have this mental battle of just getting through the day with our grief. It isn’t just the holidays or the anniversary of the crash, it is every-single-day. Being a softball coach, Tim had a saying “one inning, one base, one out at a time”, who knew that would become our tiny family mantra now. With everything left to lose I had to do something as I could not stay stagnant because I had another child to care for. I am no help to her if I do not take care of myself and find an outlet to be somewhat sane.
In Their Spirit She Became an Unintended Activist
It was that thought process that led me to becoming an Unintended Activist, in the spirit of Tim and Bridget that the “Catch You Later Foundation” was formed. It is only AFTER the car crash that witnesses came forward to tell their stories on how they saw the driver speeding and weaving in and out of traffic. Catch You Later Foundation is a non profit organization comprised of those who love the O’Donnell family most. Former students, friends, and the grieving wife and daughter, Pam and Ali O’Donnell that are left behind. It is their hope that they can help send a senior high school student to college with a small scholarship because college is something Bridget always wanted to do but sadly no longer has that chance.
It is now the only way I know how to face my grief and breathe, by going out and speaking up, even though I typically come home crying hoping I reached someone. I have since spoken to thousands of high school and college students across New Jersey and the United States. In fact, I am now the only civilian Police Trained Commission Certified Instructor that goes to Police Academies and explains why it is so important for Law Enforcement to pull over these erratic, distracted, and impaired drivers. I refuse to let my family die in vain.
The positive feedback from these presentations is what now helps me in my grief. It pushes me to keep going, keep living for our family and the thousands of others across the world so that hopefully one day we have a world of no crashes and fatalities.
Submitted by Pam O’Donnell, Founder of Catch You Later Foundation
For more information please visit catchyoulater.org.
This article is also featured in our 2023 Spring Issue of Sharing our Recovery.
The Crash Support Network is a unique website consisting of an online support group, a Crash Survivor Blog written by a survivor, our Sharing Our Recovery Newsletter, informative articles and a Virtual Crash Memorial. Our website is based on relationship-building and puts the needs of survivors first by creating a helpful resource for victims and survivors of motor vehicle crashes.
