My journey home to recover from my crash was very challenging. After spending my first night in the hospital, I am now being told that I was rear-ended and pushed into a transport truck. Why can’t I remember anything? How did this happen to me? I am such a good driver. No one likes to be in the hospital let alone admitted to a trauma unit. I feel defenseless as I am being taken for ex-rays, MRI’s and CT’s. Nurses are constantly drawing blood what on earth were they testing me for? Nurses are injecting medication through my I.V’s and handing me dixie cups with medication. What on earth are they doing to me?
If I could refuse something I most certainly did which I would soon regret but we will get to that a little later. From being highly medicated and having nurses monitoring me around the clock, I was trying my best to mend the multiple injuries that had occurred and my hospital roommate was a man. Yes ladies, I had a man sharing my room. The poor soul had fallen off a ladder at work, he was paralyzed and had a horrific brain injury. He couldn’t move but he did manage to leave his television on full blast every night or was I just imagining that?
I Am Now Being Told I Will Start My Journey Home
7 am on Day Three, I vaguely remember a doctor coming to speak with me to tell me that they were discharging me to the care of my boyfriend but there is just one catch. All I have to do is go to the washroom on my own. You see I had a catheter during my stay and they decided it was time for that baby to come out. I have no idea how I got to the washroom that morning but what I do remember is how long it took me to get there. You see, I could barely walk but for some reason I was determined. My boyfriend arrived and he is informing me that a personal injury lawyer will be visiting me before I start my journey home. I am clearly not up to this task as I am tired and I am having difficulty focusing. I do not want to see a stranger and I have no idea what I look like at this point. Why is a lawyer coming to see me? What did the doctor tell me to do when I started my journey home?
After the lawyer came and went, we now had the dreaded task of trying to get me from the hospital bed to a wheelchair then into a vehicle. How on earth was I going to do this? I can’t even walk. Shouldn’t I be going to a rehabilitation centre? I can’t possibly get into a truck, have another seatbelt wrapped around me and drive for over 2 hours to get to my boyfriend’s home. I was already mending a horrific seat belt wound and was absolutely terrified. Where is that piece of paper for prescriptions that the doctor gave me? My head is pounding and I now realize that I am in the truck alone. Have I started my journey home?
Fear of Being Alone and Hurt
Where did my boyfriend go? Why did he leave me all alone in his truck? I start to panic with tears in my eyes, I manage to get the window down and yell to a passerby in the parking lot to find my boyfriend in the store. I am beyond panicked and I finally see him come out of the store with the pharmacist following him. Why on earth is the man in the white jacket with him and why is he asking me for identification? All I want to do is have a shower and brush my hair. We have now pulled into the driveway and I have no idea how I am going to get into the house. Well anyone that has been in this type of situation with multiple injuries knows that even the smallest task will not be possible especially when the meds that they were giving to me in the hospital had decided to wear off.
That first night is a blur just like my hospital stay. I wake up the next day on the couch in the living room in excruciating pain. Family members arrived in the afternoon. My boyfriend’s mother came for not only a visit but will stay for a week. Did they bring a pizza with them when they arrived? Did I have a piece? Am I even hungry? I feel isolated, self conscious, exhausted and I can’t focus. I cannot get up from the couch without someone helping me. I have to escape as I cannot keep up with the conversations that are flowing and I think I need to go to the washroom. Remember I mentioned I cannot get up and walk without someone helping me?
I Sustained Multiple Injuries
Yes that’s right. I have 6-7 broken ribs, a cast on my arm, a broken back, a head laceration and a gaping wound on my thigh. Each and every time I needed to get up I needed help. While finally making it to the washroom, I now have a chance to look at myself in the mirror and I am mortified to see my reflection. I have a bandage on my forehead and I have dry blood all over my face and throughout my hair. I have a cast on my arm and I have a huge bandage on my thigh. My body is literally black and purple. Will those bruises go away on their own? Oh why did this have to happen to me? I am in so much pain that I am not sure if I can even sleep. I am now being told the nurse will be here within the hour. Why on earth is a nurse coming to see me? Another stranger that has to see me like this? All I want to do is have a shower, wash my hair and go to sleep.
A lovely nurse that lives in the area arrives and explains to me that she will need to see me twice a day to perform wound packing on my thigh. What on earth does that mean? Where will I find the strength to see this nurse twice a day? Did someone fill my prescriptions? When was the last time I took a pill? What did that doctor in the hospital say to me when he told me that I was being discharged? The pain is excruciating and all I want to do is sleep.
How Did This Happen?
I now find myself lying on the couch wondering how all of this happened. What if I had just left 5 minutes sooner or 5 minutes later? What if I had taken a different route to work that morning? Oh yes….the dreaded “what if’s”. Every survivor recovers differently but unfortunately the “what if’s” are all the same. You will re-play the time of your collision over and over again to try and make sense of it. You will have regrets and you will find it hard to stop. You are not alone. Each and every one of us will go through this. I suppose I could say it is part of the healing process but I do promise you this. The “what if’s” will get easier as time goes on. My journey home was overwhelming and challenging but I remained strong and took it one day at a time.
S. Dawne McKay is a survivor of a horrific crash that changed her life forever. Dawne shares her personal journey as a Crash Survivor Blogger and also collaborates with crash survivors as Guest Bloggers allowing them an opportunity to share their stories. Dawne is also the author of the book, “Talk Crash to Me – What to Expect After Surviving a Collision and How to Manage Your Recovery” which is available for purchase on Amazon.
The Crash Support Network is a unique one-of-a-kind website consisting of an online support group, a crash survivor blog, a quarterly newsletter, “Sharing Our Recovery” as well as highly informative articles. Our website is based on relationship-building and puts the needs of survivors first by creating a helpful resource for victims and survivors of motor vehicle crashes.
