When Your Loved One is Admitted to Intensive Care

 

When you receive a call that that your loved one has been admitted to an intensive care unit, your world starts to shrink around you and there is truly no other feeling like it. You begin to feel a roller coaster of emotions, from fear to anger to sadness. It starts with shock that someone you love is sick enough to be in critical care.  The sight of your parent, partner or child is under harsh lights, possibly bandaged and bruised attached to tubes and maybe even a ventilator.

It is not a warm and fuzzy place.  Luckily, after surviving a horrific motor vehicle crash, I was transported to a trauma centre and did not end up in an ICU but I recognize a lot of crash survivors do and nurses are having to place that dreaded call everyday around the world to notify a family member that their loved one is in critical care.

This past September, I visited an intensive care unit for the very first time to see my mom.  So many machines beeping, staff running around frantically at times, phones constantly ringing and so many things to remember.  Pick up the phone to have someone let you in – doors locked at all times.  Mask up.  Gown on.  Gloves on.  Press two buttons on the door to let yourself out of the ICU.  It was a wonder I could even keep up.  Where did you say the quiet room was for immediate family members?  Post-traumatic stress disorder had returned with a vengeance.

They say nothing can prepare you and they were right.  When your loved one is admitted to intensive care, you will be overwhelmed, vulnerable and may be faced with difficult decisions. Here are 9 important things to remember when your loved one is in critical care.

Communicate Don’t Dictate

When your loved one has been admitted to intensive care or to a hospital and a family member steps up to take on the role of their primary caregiver, it is imperative that they continue to keep other family members informed.  If you cannot keep in contact with all family members, then you need to designate one family member to give daily updates to others.  Nurses are busy tending to numerous patients and when there is a communication break-down, many family members take it upon themselves to call the hospital to get an update from the nurse two or three times a day.  Always remember that when you offered to take on the role of your loved one’s primary caregiver, that communicating with other family members is part of that responsibility. The critical care staff do not have time to answer the questions of multiple family members. The bottom line is that communication with all members of your family will help everyone understand what is going on with your loved one.

Always Be Kind

Seeing your loved one at one of the worst times of their life is not easy on anyone. It is an extremely stressful time and adding unnecessary tension between family members must be avoided at all costs.  Always remember that your main focus should always be about your loved one getting the best care and treatment.  Do not discuss any unpleasant matters in your loved one’s room.  Always discuss these matters or other problems outside of the room.  If you are emotional and or upset – leave the room immediately as it may be harmful to your loved one to speak when you are angry or upset.  You need to always ask yourself, “What Can Help my Loved One Get Through This?”  You need to have your loved one’s best interests at heart and it is important for family members to be supportive to one another.

The Quiet Room

Hospitals offer quiet rooms for a reason.  Thus the name “quiet”.  These private rooms are designated for immediate family members to digest information, to gather their thoughts and to have private conversations with doctors about the health of their loved one that is in intensive care.  Knowing your loved one’s wishes about quality of life and resuscitation is important at this time.  When your loved one is unstable and there is no knowledge of their wishes, all heroic measures are done.  A Power of Attorney designates someone your loved one has chosen to make decisions for them when they are no longer able to make decisions for themselves.  If you know their wishes, let the healthcare team know early on as it may save sorrow, anger and heartbreak later on.  It is important to respect boundaries as these conversations will be intense and should be discussed with immediate family members only.

It’s Important to Sleep

The importance of sleep while your loved one is in the ICU cannot be stressed enough.  Unless your loved one is extremely unstable, you should try to sleep every night because you cannot support your loved one if you are exhausted.  Let the nurse know you are going home for the night and to call you if there are any changes.  Your loved one will have close observation and excellent nursing care.  Don’t be a martyr.  If you live close to the hospital, offer to have family members stay with you, if possible.

Write Everything Down

During this stressful time, it will be difficult for you to process all of the information you are given.  If you write everything down, you can read it at a later time and you can also offer other family members to read it when they visit, thus eliminating you having to repeat yourself.

Communicate with the Nurse

Nurses are patient advocates and can help make sure that your loved one’s wishes are carried out.  Communicate openly and honestly with your loved one’s nurse.  Let him or her know your questions and thoughts.  Remain patient at all times as nurses carry a tremendous load.

Helping with Recovery

There are times when you may have to let the healthcare team do a procedure or let your loved one rest and there are things you can do to help.  Bring pictures of them and their loved ones from home, make them comfy with a blanket or pillow and tell the healthcare team what TV programs they like to watch or what music they like to listen to.  This can help make the unfamiliar environment more comfortable especially if they are in a hospital miles from home.  You want to offer support and comfort to your loved one.

Visiting Your Loved One

Too many visitors and visiting for extended periods of time are not beneficial.  This is especially important for loved ones with brain injuries.  Rest is as much a part of your loved one’s treatment as any of the medical and nursing treatments.  You should also always prepare a family member for what they may see including the machines and how the your loved one may look.  Never judge a family member for not feeling comfortable to see their loved one.  It’s all about their comfort level and it’s their choice to make and not yours.  When my mom was in the hospital, I was told they would only allow two visitors a day for a small amount of time.  Don’t discourage other family members from visiting but instead split the visits so other family members can visit as well.

Hospital Diary

For many loved ones, their memories of ICU can be confused and incomplete.  It can be extremely beneficial to keep a diary for them to look through when they have left the ICU and are feeling better.  The dairy can include progress in their care and news about what has been happening at home while they have been away.

Always remember that it is completely okay for you to go home and allow your loved one to rest.  When awake, they may feel as if they have to entertain you while you are visiting them.  They may feel the need to talk to you and when you leave, you are giving your loved one the permission to rest.