On August 15, 2011, Greg and I, along with our friend Jimmy, were riding our Harley Davidsons along the scenic section of highway 95, about 60 miles south of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Greg was feeling sick, probably from food poisoning contracted at a diner the night before but insisted that we continue on with our planned trip. I was driving my own motorcycle behind Greg when he passed out and crashed. It was traumatic to watch his impact into a bed of lava rocks and then running to his aid until the Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT) arrived.
I’ve had EMT training and my skills took over until the professionals arrived. He was transferred by life flight to the hospital in Coeur d’Alene. Even though Greg was wearing a helmet he suffered a severe brain injury, a crushed leg and had deep open wounds from the impact. We spent 2 weeks at the hospital in Coeur d’Alene until he was able to be flown to the Neuro Rehab at Intermountain Medical Center (IMC) in Murray, Utah, which was closer to home and family. He was there for a couple weeks before I became his fulltime caregiver.
He worked extremely hard to get back to work as a banker fulltime over the next 5 months (starting initially at only 2 hours a week). Greg’s left side of his brain was damaged beyond repair and the surrounding right brain tissue had to take over functions like reading, writing, talking, walking, banking etc. This was difficult for both of us because it impacted his personality and how we related to each other. Greg read a book called My Stroke of Insight by Jill Taylor which explains in detail a neurologist’s loss of her left side of the brain function during a stroke. She had to cope with a complete driven right brain for all her activities. This book had a tremendous impact on both of us.
I Was Not Prepared For the Change in Personality
Our marriage has been very different since the accident and not what I was prepared for. I’ve had to cope with his strange changes and sometimes I say to him, “Who are you and what have you done with my husband?” I wouldn’t say I’m a patient person and our six children can probably attest to that, but I have been extremely fortunate to be able to take one day at a time. After all, isn’t that what marriage is all about? Greg and I were very “fly by the seat of our pants” kind of people . . . always ready for the next adventure, whether it was motorcycles, riding our bicycles down hills at 60 mph, hiking where we maybe shouldn’t be hiking, jumping off cliffs, extreme diving, etc. NOT so much now. We are discovering new adventures in less dangerous ways.
I was not prepared to be a caregiver for my husband. My EMT training seemed helped some, but as a mother, being a caregiver came naturally. However, the thought of taking care of an adult TBI survivor long term was extremely hard, especially when there was no one taking care of me. Brain injury patients are constantly surrounded by doctors and therapists. They are initially monitored, recorded and any progress is celebrated.
As a caregiver, I was left completely on my own to figure out my new life and how to make it work. I felt like I was set up to fail! There were no guidelines, no manuals and no pats on my back. I was also dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the accident. I tried personal therapy a couple of times, but couldn’t seem to find the right therapist for me. I looked for caregiver groups, but none were readily available. Within a year after Greg’s accident I asked to join the board of directors at the Brain Injury Alliance of Utah (BIAU). It was my attempt at giving back to the TBI community.
Helping Other Caregivers Was Extremely Important
I was motivated specifically to start a “caregivers” support group that was not available to me during Greg’s recovery. It was extremely important to me to help other caregivers that were lost like me. I also felt it would help my own healing while supporting the daily living issues of other caregivers. I felt that working together in groups would be therapeutic and healing for all of us.
A few years ago, I was fortunate enough to help found a brain injury resource group with Judy Gooch, a Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Specialist, TyAnne Crook, caregiver and LCSW, Nancy Murray, caregiver and an Audiologist/Speech Language Pathologist has since joined. “Brainstorm for Brain Injury” was started with the idea in mind that there were not enough resources available for brain injury survivors and their loved ones. Judy felt that she had not seen significant advances in this area for 20 years. Our goal is to change that ideology through educating the brain injury community, ie, therapists and medical personnel, teachers and first responders. We also are very aggressive in our messaging through Facebook, Twitter and Instagram where you can find us under the same name.
Submitted by Laura Nordfelt
For more information please visit Brain Storm for Brain Injury.
This article is also featured in our 2022 Winter Issue of Sharing our Recovery.
The Crash Support Network is a unique one-of-a-kind website consisting of an online support group, a crash survivor blog, a quarterly newsletter, “Sharing Our Recovery” as well as highly informative articles. Our platform is based on relationship-building and puts the needs of survivors first by creating a helpful resource for victims and survivors of motor vehicle crashes.
